drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
