When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
