I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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