There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
