Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
