wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
