Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
