Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You made out with two different species that night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
