in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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