Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
