hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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