Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
