So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
