i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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