its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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