that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
