i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
