I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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