is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
