Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
