He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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