Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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