god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
