i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
