Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
