i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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