nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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