Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
