A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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