Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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