I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize