I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
