I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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