I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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