And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
