at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
