it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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