I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
