Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
