just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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