i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
