YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have already put on my inside pants.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
