i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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