Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
