Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
