I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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