The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
