OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
