I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
