He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
