Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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