so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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