I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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