That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
