i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
