apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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