I can text with my tongue
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
