Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
