Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
love makes seman taste better
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
