I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I would ride that face into the sunset
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
