just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
