Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
