he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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