yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
