So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
