Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
