Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
