the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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