Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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