soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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