Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
