ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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