seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
