at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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